I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
