Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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