i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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