Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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