There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
