I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
is it fun? or sober?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
