she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
