Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
