Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
