I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
