The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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