I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
