apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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