what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
