There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
a search helicopter?!
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
