Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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