i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
