I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
