She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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