Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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