would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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