It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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