You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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