Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
