i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize