batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
