your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
