I think I am morally bankrupt
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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