Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
