remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
