I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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