He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
