I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
