My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
