my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
