they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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