He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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