Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
