Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
