More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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