This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she told me i tasted like america
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
