Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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