I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
