omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
