you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
