I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
