matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
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