I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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