Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
