dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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