I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize