Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
