yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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