We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
