u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
