I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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