So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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