Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
