He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
