I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
