I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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