Taylor Swift is so right about you.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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