did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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