I need help removing her.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
