The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
