Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
