i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I am spending my child support on dildos
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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