She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
