I cockslap morals
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
