my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
