it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
