Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
