No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
